Council for Relationships

A Blogger's Thoughts on Depression

Thu, 09 May 2013 13:45:00 -0400

A comedian shares her very real and personal thoughts on her struggle with depression in a blog posting - great insight for those who are depressed or know someone who is depressed. If you’re dealing with depression, please contact the Council for Relationships to find out how we can help.

George James, a licensed therapist from the Council for...

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 09:47:38 -0400

George James, a licensed therapist from the Council for Relationships, stopped by the NBC10 studios to explain how parents should approach talking to their children about tragedies.

Is Love At First Sight Real?

Mon, 25 Mar 2013 09:26:00 -0400

Is Love At First Sight Real?:

Kenneth Maguire, Psy.D., Director of CFR’s Institute for Sex Therapy, was recently quoted in an article for Cosmopolitan about falling in love at first sight.

Dr. Stephen Treat on NBC10: Suicide Pacts

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 12:04:00 -0400

Dr. Stephen Treat on NBC10: Suicide Pacts:

Dr. Stephen Treat, CFR’s CEO and Senior Staff Therapist, spoke to NBC10 about a local elderly couple that recently committed suicide together.

Unexpected Community: Meeting the Needs of Our Children in Uncertain Times

Tue, 18 Dec 2012 12:56:52 -0500

In the early hours of 12/14/12, our nation was gripped by a tidal wave of grief and heartbreak upon learning of the deaths of 20 innocent children and 6 heroic adults. As we learned of these tragic deaths, parents across our country recognized in horror that they were left with the responsibility of explaining this unspeakable event to their own children. Each of us who cares for children feels a universal bond and holds an ethical responsibility for the ultimate safety of our “charges.” For those of us who love children, it is codified in our very being; children are vulnerable and it is our duty to protect them. The teachers and administrative staff in Newtown, Connecticut honored the code.

In the immediate aftermath of such devastation it is a natural response to have an array of emotions including anger, defensive aggression, hopelessness and fear. We are the experts - parents, educators, clinicians. It is our job to know, protect, and provide the necessary resources for children when they are suffering. It is within the framework of this task that parents need to begin by identifying where they are in their own sense of safety. A good place to begin is in quiet reflection. What questions do you need to answer for yourself regarding your children’s safety? What are the resources you have to comfort and support your fears and concerns? How will you continue to provide reassurance to your children that their world is a place to discover and explore.

It has been my experience that it is always best to address children’s fears in an age appropriate manner, taking into consideration the child’s temperament, style, and “stress account.” Take the time necessary to process their fears and requests for information, and always let them know when you don’t have an answer. It is best to check in with children after school and midday on weekends. Avoid engaging in highly charged topics before bedtime - an anxious brain does not rest, but continues to collect and select data.

Understand it is your role to protect your child’s brain. Children have an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex. The executive functioning role of your child’s brain is not prepared for highly charged emotionally alarming information. When children become overstimulated by frightening information they may begin to exhibit their fear by regressing to earlier behavior including bed-wetting, clinging, or verbal expression of internal distress. These are opportunities to provide body comfort like snuggling, extra hugs and hand holding.

Begin with a line of questioning that is supportive and curious. Avoid being intrusive or suggestive of your own emotional needs. A good start would be to ask what questions, concerns or problems they have right now and then come up with a plan to tackle their biggest concern. Understand that sometimes children will reenact their fears through play. Play is a wonderful outlet and personal expression of self, self-industry, self-esteem and self-doubt. Support their play as it helps them create meaning out of uncertainty and mastery over conflict. There is no good or bad play; attend to play that is harming or harmful and redirect the child to a theme that is less negative.

Over the past several days we have heard much about the notion of children and resiliency. The idea that all children have a reserve account of resiliency that allows them to get to the other side of trauma is not altogether accurate. Resiliency is defined in literature as “the ability to withstand and rebound from disruptive life challenges” (Luthar, Ciccheti and Becker, 2000). Some of us are wired to cope, manage and sustain a positive attitude no matter what in life befalls us. Others have a more vulnerable constitution that requires more attention to sensory input and emotional distress. Please be mindful that children and their brains are not one-size-fits-all.

Each child is exquisitely wired to receive, sort and create meaning out of information. Some of this information flow comes through primary emotions which are directly observed in nonverbal expressions. When the primary people in a child’s life provide the green light - warmth, soft tone of voice and reassurance - the child pursues his/her own needs. When the primary adults in a child’s life are profoundly impacted by negative emotion the child reads this in a parent’s facial expression, verbal cues or physical gestures. The ultimate message is that this resource is less available. Trauma is disorganizing.

The following tips may help:

Provide your children with a context to understand the events that occurred at Sandy Hook Elementary School.
Be aware and sensitive to their needs.
Avoid labeling. All children with mental health issues are not contemplating acts of violence. We are a part of a diverse human community and all children need out respect and support.
Avoid isolation. Help your children by expanding their “unexpected community.” Learn what other parents and community organizations are doing, discuss gun safety and enlist other parents.
Doing is the antidote to hopelessness.

May the Newtown Community know that they are in our thoughts and prayers. From them, we have much to learn.

In the event that you or your family need counseling to support you during these difficult times, please know that the staff at CFR will be available to direct you to the appropriate resources.

Nancy DePaul, MSW, LMFT, LCSW is the Director of CFR’s Concordville office and a Senior Staff Therapist and can be reached at 610-558-4060 x1.

Connecticut Incident Puts Focus On School Shootings Pat...

Mon, 17 Dec 2012 09:45:01 -0500

Connecticut Incident Puts Focus On School Shootings

Pat Ciarrocchi reports on recent school shootings in the wake of the Connecticut incident. She is joined by CFR’s Ray McDevitt, expert in trauma, to try and make sense of why these tragedies continue to occur.

CBS3 News December 14, 2012

NY Times: Rules Eased for Veterans’ Brain Injury Benefits

Fri, 14 Dec 2012 12:49:15 -0500

NY Times: Rules Eased for Veterans’ Brain Injury Benefits:

The Department of Veterans Affairs will propose new regulations today that will make it easier for thousands of veterans to receive health care and compensation for certain illnesses that have been linked to traumatic brain injury.

The regulations, which will be published on Monday in the Federal Register, lists Parkinsonism, unprovoked seizures, certain dementias, depression and hormone deficiency diseases related to the hypothalamus, pituitary or adrenal glands as eligible for the expanded benefits.

The proposal, which must undergo a 60-day public comment period, could open the door to tens of thousands of veterans filing claims with the Veterans Benefits Administration, which is already struggling to process a huge inventory of such claims.

Since 2000, more than 250,000 service members — some still on active duty — have received diagnoses of traumatic brain injury, or T.B.I., according to the Defense Department. Though T.B.I. is commonly viewed as resulting from blast exposure, the vast majority of those injuries were diagnosed in nondeployed troops who were involved in vehicle crashes, training accidents or sports injuries.

The Department of Veterans Affairs says that a much smaller number of veterans — about 51,000 — are currently receiving benefits for service-connected traumatic brain injuries. However the department acknowledges that thousands more troops with T.B.I. may be eligible for the expanded benefits.

Veterans of prior wars will also be eligible for the benefits, if they can demonstrate that a traumatic brain injury was connected to their military service.

Under current rules, a veteran with one of the five illnesses has to provide medical evidence that the disease is the result of military service in order to receive veterans’ benefits.

To read the rest of the article click here

If you are a veteran or a loved one of a veteran and feel the need to seek treatment for depression, anxiety, PTSD, or grief call us today to speak to a clinician with our Operation Home and Healing program: 215-382-6680

CFR’s very own, Scott Blacker, Director of Development,...

Thu, 13 Dec 2012 13:14:13 -0500

CFR’s very own, Scott Blacker, Director of Development, appeared on an episode of Jane Berryman’s “The Money Mom” radio show to talk about the realities of the climate change in nonprofit fundraising.

“The Money Mom” WWDB-AM Talk 860

More Dads Buy the Toys, So Barbie, and Stores, Get Makeovers

Fri, 07 Dec 2012 11:49:02 -0500

More Dads Buy the Toys, So Barbie, and Stores, Get Makeovers:

Barbies are for girls and construction sets are for boys. Or are they?

For the first time in Barbie’s more than 50-year history, Mattel is introducing a Barbie construction set that underscores a huge shift in the marketplace. Fathers are doing more of the family shopping just as girls are being encouraged more than ever by hypervigilant parents to play with toys (as boys already do) that develop math and science skills early on.

It’s a combination that not only has Barbie building luxury mansions — they are pink, of course — but Lego promoting a line of pastel construction toys called Friends that is an early Christmas season hit. The Mega Bloks Barbie Build ’n Style line, available next week, has both girls — and their fathers — in mind.

“Once it’s in the home, dads would very much be able to join in this play that otherwise they might feel is not their territory,” said Dr. Maureen O’Brien, a psychologist who consulted on the new Barbie set.

Consumer surveys show that men are increasingly making the buying decisions for families, reflecting the growth in two-income households and those in which the women work and the men stay home. One-fifth of fathers with preschool-age children and working wives said they were the primary caretaker in 2010, according to the latest Census Bureau data. And 37.6 percent of working wives earned more than their husbands in 2011, up from 30.7 percent 10 years earlier.

Click here to read the full article

Public Shaming Goes Viral A new app in Philadelphia is...

Tue, 04 Dec 2012 12:07:40 -0500

Public Shaming Goes Viral

A new app in Philadelphia is successfully putting the power of public embarrassment in your hands and at least one doctor thinks that’s the shame.

Councilman Bobby Henon says to think of the City Hall App as a place to instantly document any issue you might be having in your community and call out the person behind it.

An example: a Northeast Philly businessman called out the owner of a truck for illegally parking in front of his shop.

Then there is a post taken by a neighbor of a house with trash piled out front.

But while public shaming may satisfy you in the moment, Raymond McDevitt of the Council for Relationships says in this online age, we may need to think beyond the instant gratification.

“Just doing it and then it will go away - things used to go away, they never go away anymore; they are there forever,” McDevitt said.

What you may find as funny or making a point could damage a sense of community.

“That doesn’t make for a community coming together, it makes people taking sides, pointing,” McDevitt said.

And with children, McDevitt says, there’s an even greater risk.

“Girls and women they will withdraw, they will become more silent, they won’t speak up for themselves. With boys, they react the opposite, they are going to get aggressive, and they are going to get violent,” McDevitt said.

McDevitt says shaming someone will make them feel bad about themselves, but won’t necessarily correct their bad behavior, so he suggests focusing on the act and not the person.

“Once they feel that they are what’s wrong, that’s pretty hard to change, how do you change yourself, but the act can be repaired,” McDevitt said.

6ABC November 21, 2012

Keep The Peace This Thanksgiving (Or Any Holiday!) CFR’s...

Mon, 03 Dec 2012 10:38:53 -0500

Keep The Peace This Thanksgiving (Or Any Holiday!)

CFR’s George James weighs in on the difficulties that family gatherings and holiday pressure can create. Thankfully, he also offers up some good advice for how to handle it with grace and ease.

NBC10, November 21, 2012

Be A Better You: Happy Marriage Sara Corse, PhD, sits down with...

Fri, 30 Nov 2012 10:27:17 -0500

Be A Better You: Happy Marriage

Sara Corse, PhD, sits down with CBS3 Talk Philly’s Pat Ciarrocchi to offer up some great advice on how to have a happy and long-lasting marriage.

CBS3 November 19, 2012

Palm Beach Post: Living with Chronic Disease

Thu, 29 Nov 2012 11:44:54 -0500

Palm Beach Post: Living with Chronic Disease:

Linda Abrams is a psychologist at Philadelphia’s preeminent Council for Relationships, a place that’s been helping families and couples cope with life since the 1930s, and when she gives a speech, she likes to talk about “the new normal.”

That is, life after the diagnosis of a chronic disease.

Whenever she speaks, wherever she speaks, her advice does not fall on deaf ears.

It has been estimated that more than 125 million people, nearly 45 percent of the American population, live each day with a chronic illness — meaning something that’s probably not going to ever go away.

You name it, people have it: Arthritis. HIV. Multiple Sclerosis. Diabetes. Lupus. Migraines. Epilepsy.

Of these 125 million Americans, about 41 million have had their daily routines affected by the disease they now carry around with them, and it’s usually not in a good way. About 12 million people can’t live alone because of a chronic health condition. And the National Center for Health Statistics estimates that 157 million Americans will be living with a chronic illness by the year 2020 — which, frankly, isn’t all that far away.

Given those numbers, it might be at this point of a potentially depressing speaking engagement that Abrams, who also sees chronically ill patients one-on-one in her practice at the Council for Relationships, would pull out her Abraham Lincoln quote.

“The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time.”

“What I help people do is decide where can they be in control,” says Abrams, who’s been seeing patients for 30 years. “So much of it, I think, is support, empowerment and holding onto who they are.”

And then she repeats that part, because it’s so important: “They’re not their illness. They’re not their disease.”

Click here to read more about living with chronic disease.

CBS3’s Eyewitness News: Many Struggling With Tragic Loss...

Thu, 29 Nov 2012 10:15:12 -0500

CBS3’s Eyewitness News: Many Struggling With Tragic Loss of Autumn Pasquale

Reporter Dray Clark turned to CFR’s Dorothy Thomas to offer up some great advice to parents whose children are experiencing grief after the unexpected death of 12-year-old Autumn Pasquale.

CBS3 October 24, 2012

Chicago Tribune: Home for the Holidays? Not This Year.

Tue, 20 Nov 2012 11:48:36 -0500

Chicago Tribune: Home for the Holidays? Not This Year.:

For most of her adult life, Colette Petersen dutifully returned home for Christmas, braving the airport crowds to spend two weeks in her Orlando, Fla., hometown shuttling between her divorced parents and multiple relatives.

But after a decade of making the annual trip, Petersen decided to give herself the gift of staying put. While home for Thanksgiving a few years ago, Petersen, 32 at the time, told her family she would be spending Christmas solo in her Milford, Mass., apartment, relaxing with books and TV.

“It was a bit of a shock to my family the first time,” said Petersen, 36, a project manager for an insurance company, who has since skirted two more family Christmas get-togethers.

Skipping out on a family holiday tradition can generate strife during the sensitive season. But when work, in-law or money constraints pull you elsewhere — or if you just prefer to take a tropical vacation with friends than see crazy Aunt Mildred — sometimes your family’s preferences must take a back seat to your own.

Breaking the news requires some delicacy, especially when dealing with a strained relationship, “but you can say almost anything if you do it with caring,” said Margaret Shapiro, a social worker and senior therapist at the Council for Relationships in Philadelphia. It’s kindest to have the conversation voice-to-voice (as opposed to an email), with a compassionate tone, assurances of your love and plans to visit real soon, she said.

Interested in reading the full article? Click here.

It’s Your Call With Lynn Doyle: Faked Cancer Scam Police...

Tue, 13 Nov 2012 12:31:35 -0500

It’s Your Call With Lynn Doyle: Faked Cancer Scam

Police have charged a NJ woman with scamming people nationwide by pretending to have terminal cancer, alerted to the alleged scam by her very own sister. It’s Your Call talks to the accused’s family about the far-reaching effects of her actions and you might be surprised at who’s on the outs as a result.

At the 11-minute mark, CFR’s Dr. Brendan Greer, joins the conversation to offer his psychiatric expertise about a motivation behind this terrible behavior.

We can’t let this Veteran’s Day pass by without...

Mon, 12 Nov 2012 12:41:45 -0500

We can’t let this Veteran’s Day pass by without offering up a HUGE “Thank You” to all of the brave men and women who have served our country. We’re humbled by your service and your unwavering commitment to your country.

This video was put together by the talented Flavia Colgan and highlights some of the great work of CFR’s Operation Home and Healing. Should you know any Veterans (or families of Veterans) who might be suffering in silence, please pass this video on to them. They’re not alone.

NY Times: Increase Seen in Suicide Rate Since Recession

Thu, 08 Nov 2012 16:14:45 -0500

NY Times: Increase Seen in Suicide Rate Since Recession:

*Note from CFR: If you or a loved one are struggling with the thought of suicide, we can help. Call us at 215-382-6680 to know that you are not alone.

The rate of suicide in the United States rose sharply during the first few years since the start of the recession, a new analysis has found.

In the report, which appeared Sunday on the Web site of The Lancet, a medical journal, researchers found that the rate between 2008 and 2010 increased four times faster than it did in the eight years before the recession. The rate had been increasing by an average of 0.12 deaths per 100,000 people from 1999 through 2007. In 2008, the rate began increasing by an average of 0.51 deaths per 100,000 people a year. Without the increase in the rate, the total deaths from suicide each year in the United States would have been lower by about 1,500, the study said.

The finding was not unexpected. Suicide rates often spike during economic downturns, and recent studies of rates in Greece, Spain and Italy have found similar trends. The new study is the first to analyze the rate of change in the United States state by state, using suicide and unemployment data through 2010.

“The magnitude of these effects is slightly larger than for those previously estimated in the United States,” the authors wrote. That might mean that this economic downturn has been harder on mental health than previous ones, the authors concluded.

The research team linked the suicide rate to unemployment, using numbers from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and from the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

Every rise of 1 percent in unemployment was accompanied by an increase in the suicide rate of roughly 1 percent, it found. A similar correlation has been found in some European countries since the recession.

The analysis found that the link between unemployment and suicide was about the same in all regions of the country.

The study was conducted by Aaron Reeves of the University of Cambridge and Sanjay Basu of Stanford, and included researchers from the University of Bristol, the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, and the University of Hong Kong.

Wanda Sevey: Quick Tips for Anger Management

Tue, 06 Nov 2012 13:02:29 -0500

Wanda Sevey: Quick Tips for Anger Management:

wandasevey:

I was behind a driver going 5 miles under the speed limit this morning on my way to the office. Here’s what helped:
I focused on my body and consciously relaxed my muscles and let go of tension. Then I focused on the sensation of my back being supported and my hands relaxed on the wheel.

I found a cooling thought to relax my mind. The thought ”The person ahead of me is my neighbor” helped me to find some compassion for the other driver.

I put things in perspective by remembering that I wasn’t in a rush and even if I had been in a rush my anger wasn’t going to enable me to get there faster.

I can say from experience that this works in the slow line of the grocery store too!

Happy to support one of CFR’s own, Wanda Sevey. Check out her blog!

Everyday Health: Bullying May Be Linked to Mental Disorders

Mon, 05 Nov 2012 15:45:08 -0500

Everyday Health: Bullying May Be Linked to Mental Disorders:

Children with mental health disorders are more likely than other kids to be bullies, a new study finds.

Researchers analyzed data from children ages 6 to 17 included in the 2007 U.S. National Survey of Children’s Health and found that more than 15 percent were identified as bullies by a parent or guardian, and that children with mental health disorders were three times more likely than their peers to bully other children.

The researchers also focused on the link between specific mental health disorders and bullying. Depression was associated with a three-fold increased risk of being a bully, while a diagnosis of oppositional defiant disorder increased the risk six times.

The study was scheduled for presentation Monday at an American Academy of Pediatrics meeting in New Orleans.

“These findings highlight the importance of providing psychological support not only to victims of bullying, but to bullies as well,” study author Dr. Frances Turcotte-Benedict, a Brown University master’s of public health student and a fellow at Hasbro Children’s Hospital in Providence, R.I., said in an AAP news release.

“In order to create successful anti-bullying prevention and intervention programs, there certainly is a need for more research to understand the relationship more thoroughly, and especially, the risk profile of childhood bullies,” she added.

Bullying was defined as repetitive aggression involving a difference of power between the victim and perpetrator.

A 2011 nationwide survey found 20 percent of U.S. high school students were bullied during the preceding 12 months. It is well-established that victims of bullying are at increased risk for mental health illness and suicide, but few studies have examined the mental health status of bullies.

Data and conclusions presented at medical meetings should be considered preliminary until published in a peer-reviewed medical journal.