Posts Tagged: marriage

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Be A Better You: Happy Marriage

Sara Corse, PhD, sits down with CBS3 Talk Philly’s Pat Ciarrocchi to offer up some great advice on how to have a happy and long-lasting marriage.

CBS3 November 19, 2012

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Huffington Post: Girls' Goals--Marriage No Longer A Priority For Young Women

A new survey of girls’ attitudes by UK organization Girlguiding (similar to the Girl Scouts) released Monday found that marriage isn’t as important to teens as it used to be.

The Girls’ Attitudes Survey, which polled approximately 1,200 girls and 600 boys ages seven to 21, found that female respondents were much more likely to define success as being confident and independent (56 percent) rather than being married (21 percent). In 2009, 56 percent of girls surveyed cited marriage as the thing they’d most like to achieve by age 30.

Interestingly, boys and girls indicated that they felt differently about marriage: 46 percent of girls agreed that marriage is the best form of a relationship, compared to 56 percent of boys. Furthermore, only 32 percent of girls thought that married couples made better parents, compared to 47 percent of the boys surveyed.

The report states, “Girls aged 11 to 21 are generally positive about marriage, although many are open-minded about whether this is the best or only option.”

Chief Guide Gill Slocombe told BBC News: “Girls still value family and marriage but they clearly do not see this as the absolute definition of success.”

View the survey’s full data here.

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Huffington Post: Women In Their 40s Are Having Great Sex...Just Not With Their Husbands

According to a study out of Indiana University finds that women today cheat at about the same rate as men, and that the number of unfaithful women is growing. The study showed that 19 percent of married women and 23 percent of married men reported cheating, statistics that reflect a closing of the cheating gender gap. (Note: These numbers are probably on the conservative side because they reflect the percentage of people who admitted to cheating. Presumably, the numbers of unfaithful partners is higher.) Research from the 1990s found that only 10 percent of married women reported being unfaithful. According to these numbers, female infidelity may one day rival or even surpass male cheating.

Another interesting fact? According to the study, the most common age for women to have an affair is 45. For men, it’s 55.

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Anne-Marie Green weighs in on the Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise split. The couple released the following statement, “We are committed to working together as parents to accomplishing what is in our daughter Suri’s best interests. We want to keep matters affecting our family private and express our respect for each other’s commitment to each of our respective beliefs and support each other’s roles as parents.”

CFR’s George James offers up some advice for other couples in interfaith marriages.

CBS3 Talk Philly July 10, 2012

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KYW Newsradio: The Pros and Cons of Unwedded Bliss

So what are the pros and cons of legal marriage to parents who are already committed to each other? And what are the possible pros and cons to their children?

Ellen Mogell, for instance, has a ten-year relationship with her boyfriend, Jeb Woody.  They run a popular Northern Liberties restaurant together and have one child together, with another on the way.

She says there are pros and cons to not being married.

“I guess the pros are the same as any long-term, committed relationship: you have a partner who’s your friend.  And, I don’t know, I mean, he’s a great dad, he’s a great partner.”

But they don’t get the tax break that married couples enjoy.

“I think it closes your options financially, taxwise,” she says.

But more importantly, she worries what would happen if something happened to one of them.

“Legally, I think it’s much better to be married,” Mogell notes.

Then, she adds, there is the odd way that unmarried couples with children are sometimes treated by society — including things that she and Jeb had never considered beforehand.

“When you are trying to leave a hospital with your baby and you’re unmarried, there’s some really obnoxious paperwork for the dad,” she recalls.

Meanwhile, Dr. Stephen Treat with the Council for Relationships says there are emotional pros and cons to not marrying.

“I think that the deeper, more difficult material will tend to come out in a marriage in a way it won’t come out if you’re a little more distant, a little less involved, a little less committed, a little less legally tied,” he notes.  “Some of that material might not come out in the same kind of way.  And the downside to that, of course, is it can’t heal.”

And let’s not forget the outside influences.

“I think my dad nagged,” Mogell recalls, “and then maybe he realized he didn’t even care what his friends or his family thought.”

And now?

“I certainly don’t think he would want to pay for me to get married!”

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Huffington Post: Secrets to a Happy Marriage

Karl Pillemer, PhD, interviewed people who have been married for anywhere between 30-50 years, in an attempt to figure out the secrets to a happy marriage…or at least try to learn from their mistakes.

  1. Marry someone alot like you: “Based on their long experiences both in and out of love relationships, their first lesson is this: You are much more likely to have a satisfying marriage for a lifetime when you and your mate are fundamentally similar. And the most important thing to look for is similarity in your core values.”
  2. Never expect your partner to change after marriage: “The elders were as clear about this possibility as can be: Forget about it. According to them, entering into a marriage with the goal of changing one’s partner is a fool’s errand.”
  3. Friendship is as important as love: “When asked the question: “What’s the secret to a long, happy marriage such as yours?” a common answer from people in long marriages was: “I married my best friend.” Similarly, from those whose marriages did not succeed, I often heard: “Well, we were good at love, but we never learned how to be friends.’”
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Is Your Spouse Cheating on You Financially?

Cristy Verdeja, a PR account executive in Miami, has been happily married for just over a year. But though she has found bliss with her soul mate, she sometimes keeps secrets from him — of the financial variety.

"When I’m feeling especially guilty about wanting something new, I pay cash for my purchase, hide it in my purse, and take it out, take off the tags and hang it up when my husband is in the shower," Verdeja said.

For Verdeja, it just feels easier to keep those occasional retail therapy fixes to herself, rather than to having to justify the ramifications of those purchases to her husband.

She’s hardly alone. Though 82% of all couples surveyed say they’ve never kept a spending secret from their partner, according to a new report from ING Direct and Capital One, that leaves a lot of people using all sorts of tricks to hide some purchases.

Interested in reading more?  Click through to dailyfinance.com

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Is Your Man Marriage Material?

Is he marriage material? If you have wedding bells in your head but doubt in your heart, Femi Redwood talks to Council for Relationship’s George James to find out how to tell if your man is marriage material.

PHL17 May 22, 2012

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Prevention Magazine: Five Ways to Be Heard

“Are you listening to me?!?!” 

Sometime soon after “I do,” this phrase tends to make its way into a marriage—and stays there. And while it’s common to feel like your spouse isn’t really hearing you from time to time, it’s not something you should brush off as a fixture of long-term commitment. According to a new study from the American Psychological Association that looked at 156 couples in the Boston area, women report feeling more satisfied in a relationship when they feel like their spouse understands when they’re angry or upset.

In other words, feeling like you mate is actually listening to you will make you feel less like choking him.

But how do you get your man to exercise his empathetic ear? Here are 5 tips from relationship experts on how to turn hearing into listening and reap the relationship satisfaction:

Look each other in the eye. Body language is extremely important in couples’ communication, and one of the first steps to listening empathetically is to make eye contact when you’re talking, says Michael Bridges, PhD, from Council for Relationships in Philadelphia. Locking eyes will often lead to your partner nodding or giving you other subtle communication signals, which tips you off to the fact that he’s engaged in what you’re saying. 

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The 7 Stages of Marriage provides a practical timeline for understanding the journey and stages of marriage. Each stage has a set of missions that strengthen communication, passion, and friendship, while addressing difference. Questionnaires will help you identify your stage as well as give you the missions and exercises for each stage which will help you master important challenges that all couples face. Discussion with your partner and other participants will highlight the normal issues of marriage.

"Here’s My Heart" is a tool for establishing a safe way for sharing feelings and concerns. The benefit of this workshop is the freedom and hope you will gain when you understand the natural progression of marriage and intimacy. The workshop includes presentation, group discussion and private time for exercises. As a participant in this workshop you will:

  • Learn the Stages of Love and Marriage;
  • Identify the Missions of Each Stage;
  • Develop an Action Plan to Enhance Your Relationship.

Cost: $40/person, $75/couple

May 26, 2012
Saturday, 10 am in the Paoli, PA office
Course Leader: Kerstin Miller, MDiv, LMFT at 610-889-0419, ext. 6